Woman Asks Reddit If She's A Jerk For 'Emasculating' Fiancé In Front Of His Family

Author image for Mel Dawn
Mel Dawn
Aug 5, 2021 12:00 PM EDT

It's not a great sign if a marriage is a big headache before it's even official. Redditor u/AITAemasculatormaybe asked the internet whether or not she was the a-hole for standing up for herself at a family dinner after her future mother-in-law called her a gold digger. Many indignant redditors in the thread agreed that OP was totally in the right. Hopefully this couple figured out how to set boundaries with the presumptuous in-laws. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/AITAemasculatormaybe · 4d G1 1 19 9 9 S 15 2 30 AITA for "emasculating" my (32F) fiance (38M) in front of his family? Not the A-hole My fiance and I have been together for about 6 years, engaged for 2. After we got engaged, we sat down and had the "deal breakers" talk. Basically things in our lives, our futures, hypothetical situations that leave little room for compromise (ie adopting children, finances, family boundaries, religion etc).
    via r/AmItheAsshole
  • 02
    Font - One of the things on my list was no pre-nup. I'm not here to debate with anyone about their use, I just think that if you're preparing for divorce before even getting married, it's a sign that you're probably marrying the wrong person. He agreed and everything was fine. Lately his family (particularly his mother) keeps on bringing up signing a pre-nup. I've told her no many times, said this is an issue between us and we will discuss it privately and make our own decisions as a couple. He
    via r/AmItheAsshole
  • 03
    Font - She called me a gold digger. No one, including my fiance stood up for me so I stood up for myself. I told her that there is no gold to dig here: I make four times as much as he makes (I'm an MD and he dropped out second year), I've paid off all my student debt (he has over 100K left), I have my own house, ample savings and will certainly inherit more from my parents than he will from his (they have 6 kids and are middle class). What is she worried about? That shut her up real quick especi
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  • 04
    Font - RedCorundum · 4d · Partassipant [1] 4 Awards NTA - He didn't find the gold digger title offensive or insulting when it was directed at you but it's a problem if he's called one?? If I can ask, why do you want to be a part of this shit show? Your FMIL doesn't even pretend to respect you or your boundaries. She doesn't like you because she sees you as being beneath the family and trying to marry up. Your fiancé does nothing to intervene when his family is inappropriate and rude. His masculi
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  • 05
    Rectangle - fuzzyfuzzyfungus · 4d · Partassipant [3] 38 Awards If there's anything "emasculating" here, it's that your fiance can't keep mommy out of his relationships even as he approaches 40. edit: NTA, didn't figure this would end up where a judgement might be relevant. Reply 36.9k
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  • 06
    Rectangle - Corpuscular_Ocelot · 3d * 29 Awards His morher brought in the pre-nup - in front of the whole family - AFTER he already said no. His mother called his fiance a gold digger infront of him & the entire family. But YOU were the one who emasculated him? NTA The fact that he didn't defend you is a huge red flag. The fact that he feels emasculated is a huge red flag. The fact that he blames you instead of his mother is the biggest red flag. His mother thought it was a test to see if you ar
    via r/AmItheAsshole
  • 07
    Font - JessicaJones2 · 4d · Professor Emeritass [96] NTA, at all. 1. It's your and your bf's decision, not his mother's. 2. He's a big time A for not standing up for both you and your relationship. 3. What does your future look like with a meddling MIL and a no-backbone hubster? And honestly, given your situation, I'd sign the prenup but l'd write it up to ensure he doesn't get a dime off you as he clearly wants to prevent the opposite situation by not making his (actual?) stance clear. ЕТTА: Ту
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  • 08
    Font - amaralove123•4d · Partassipant [2] 3 1 Award NTA. He didn't stand up for you so you did for yourself. That's on him. But I'd seriously reconsider a relationship with a partner who thinks its emasculating to make less money. Reply 8.4k schrodingers_cat42 · 3d I would do a pre-nup for my own sake if I were OP in case the relationship ends. 3.8k
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  • 09
    Font - Ikajo • 3d Honestly, a pre-nup feels like using a seat belt in a car or paying for home insurance. You don't assume you will ever need them, but you still use them just in case. A pre- nup is not an assumption the marriage will end, it is insurance just in case. 1 1.2k
    via r/AmItheAsshole
  • 10
    Font - icecreampenis · 3d · Partassipant [2] 2 Awards It's also really naive of OP to assume that there are only a few specific reasons that people would get divorced, and that her relationship doesn't qualify because she's "marrying the right person". It's especially naive coming from a doctor...I have seen irreversible personality changes following near- death experiences in my own family that have led to the destruction of a marriage. Any one of us could get hit on the head tomorrow and wake
    via r/AmItheAsshole
  • 11
    Font - Prenup or no prenup, committing to marriage is one big roll of the dice no matter who you are or how well you've thought things through. The one guarantee in life is that people will change, for better or for worse, and thinking ahead to the endless possibilities life offers does NOT mean that you're dooming a marriage before even begins. 1.5k
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  • 12
    Font - UnicornFartButterfly • 4d 1 Award If you do love him, l'd sign the prenup. But to protect you. He's getting worse and worse at standing up to his parents. He doesn't defend you. And this is something that is actively getting worse. Now if you do marry, that may change. But if it doesn't, would you really want to stay with a man that not only doesn't mind name- when directed at you (but gets pissy if directed at him), but who apparently has the spine of a jelly fish? If you divorce, you sh
    via r/AmItheAsshole
  • 13
    Font - mocha_lattes_ • 3d 2 3 3 Awards Not the prenup, but one specifically written for OP by her own lawyer to protect herself. Can almost guarantee that the prenup FMIL brought won't protect OP. 2.6k SorryKaleidoscope · 3d Can almost guarantee that the prenup FMIL brought won't protect OP. If she had it drafted on the false assumption that her son had more money, it might, actually. But yes obviously always get your own lawyer. 793 ...
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  • 14
    Font - Sad_Ring_3373 · 4d S1 Award This. If he wanted to not be "emasculated" by OP stating facts, he should have put an end to this before she needed to. And, FWIW, I will be delighted if a day comes when my wife is wildly successful and makes 4X what I do. make good money; if she makes better money, great! NTA 1 1.2k ...
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  • 15
    Font - thistleandpeony · 3d · Partassipant [1] A S 2 Awards FMIL didn't come out of nowhere with this. l'd wager that either 1) the fiance lied to his mother and said he was the breadwinner, or b) his mother assumed he was the higher earner and he went along with it. That's why he didn't defend OP. 7.7k PantsuitNation2020 • 3d 6 Awards "It's fine if they think YOU'RE the gold digger, but how embarrassing for ME!!" -your whiny fiancé
    via r/AmItheAsshole

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amitheasshole marriage wtf toxic relationships in laws reddit thread Reddit aita
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